Words| On Creation

[I don't write in this space ever but this came to me and I thought I would share] .

A friend and I were talking about creating things. Ever since I was a child, I created things...places, situations, dances, lesson plans, trips, everything but never friends. I was always afraid of spirits and imaginary friends seemed like spirits that visited and I stayed away from that like I've stayed away from crack and herpes. The things we were talking about creating were children and I'm at an impasse on that subject but the beings that I've created in my stories were birthed from me. I nurture them even in my dreams. I shape them, admonish them, guide them, lead them wrong, set them right and I write as furiously as I can until they jump up from the page and are in full flesh, blood, veins...These are the spirits that stalk me night and day.

This book that I am writing, it comes from my fingertips as if I were speaking to an old friend about lives that I've already led. On the train yesterday, I felt like a mad scientist outlining furiously in my pen and pad laboratory. I feel like I have opened up places of myself I didn't know were closed. Something inside of me has changed because of this process. It must be said.

  I just really hope I'm not secretly a crap writer.


The book will come out soon and the most fond memory I have of writing it so far is being on the C train after another long day at work. I'm fighting off exhaustion with Pepsi, my crack of choice, and I decide to write an outline. Putting words in a sentence on a piece of paper is cool but the outline is the foreplay. That's where the magic happens. I can see the big black and white chess board with all the pieces that I can maneuver at will. So, out of nowhere, a plot twist comes to mind and I start laughing completely like an evil genius. It was a real laugh that came from my belly in the voice of Dr. Evil. It was the most awesome thing ever.

I just really hope I'm not secretly a crap writer